Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
