My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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