I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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