He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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