Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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