fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
