"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
