i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
