i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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