Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
