just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
third nipple confirmed
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
