I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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