The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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