Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
