I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
