I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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