cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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