The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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