1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
