I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Randomize
