you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
