ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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