her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
