just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
