Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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