Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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