proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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