Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
