Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
