I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Randomize
