Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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