I think im going to throw up on grandma
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
