All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
