I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
