I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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