why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
