i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
