I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
