Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
tell me about the eggs
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
