I can text with my tongue
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
