u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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