Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
