I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
