Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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