Do you still have your period?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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