You can't motorboat a personality
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
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