So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
