you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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