i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
