I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So squirting runs in the family.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
