We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
